perrla

i was born one half middle eastern and one half slavic and my parents capped it off with a scandinavian name which i hate to this day.

my psychiatric profile is in initial stages of deconstruction and realignment of broken fragments... a good size sliver of OCD, the perfectionism i wish i didn't have yet i don't know any other way...
a touch of ADD, an even more generous touch of GAD - anxiety lining every lumen and occasionally flaring into a full-on paranoia: what if? or what if not? got me in the stranglehold. nothing a minor neuroleptic wouldn't fix.

i tend to be mostly dysthymic, sometimes cyclothymic, stubborn beyond any reason, and seem to be perceived as anti-social by quite a few people, which is only partially true. i can't stand crowds and idle "small talk" and generally prefer to be by myself, but at the same time to have a living soul "just around the corner." ... my obsessions are insidious, consumptive and deep. they involve people, things, countries, languages and especially -- and most significantly --- music and musicians. i often overthink and overfeel things, oscillating between being super-analytical and ridiculously irrational. i am incurably nerdy and at the same time just as incurably romantic, and i don't see this as a contradiction.

i fall in love often and easily, the unfortunate trait i wish i could disown. it seems like my heart can't live without a tenant in at least one chamber, and as soon as the old tenant fades into a wispy ghost it slinks outside like a prostitute and comes back with a new one. oftentimes they never even find out that they've been given these new headquarters. especially if it's someone who never existed in the first place.